Teach For America teacher blogs are on Teach For Us

Year Two.

KCMO Chief — Mon, 06 May 2013 03:23:16 +0100

This entire year flew by that I never even updated this blog. Well, after reading my old posts I cannot even believe I came back to Kansas City to teach at the same school in the same grade. I. Loved. almost. Every. Day. This. Year. In three weeks school will be over and I will return home. Would you believe it if I told you my kids make me cry, but not because of their behavior, but because I will miss them? There is so much more to be said about my thoughts and opinions on Teach For America and urban education, which I will share for new corps members, but for tonight, I reflect on my experience. These past two years were like a roller coaster that I've never been on before. I'm talking scarier than the scariest roller coaster at Cedar Point. So many highs, and even more lows. However, these past two years I gained great, beautiful friends, found independence, learned the truth about persevering and impacted my community that I have grown to love. I am blessed to have had the opportunity to challenge myself while challenging my students.

Miles 10-13

KKC2011 — Fri, 12 Apr 2013 01:05:43 +0100

I've had the opportunity to run two half-marathons in my life. The one thing I was always told by my more experienced runner friends is the pain undergone once you hit mile 10. There is something about miles 10-13 in a half-marathon that, for at least newbie runners like myself, is absolutely exhausting, painful, and challenging. Because of that, both times I had people by my side to run those last 3 with me. In both races, my friends literally pulled me at some point, put their hands on my back, pushed me forward, and told me, "Do not stop...DO NOT STOP. You are almost there." I have roughly 31 days left of my teaching career...or at least Teach For America commitment. It's my second year, there is a light at the end of the tunnel, and the end is coming faster than I am able to fathom. 2nd year planning is easier, I have a grip on my social life, and I just flat out know more about what I am doing. But let me just tell you how I have felt day-to-day for about the past 2 months.... Like I'm running miles 10-13 in a half-marathon. I'm exhausted, it feels painful, and I feel like I'm being challenged just as much as I was in October of my 1st year. I don't know what it is. I haven't been able to fully understand why when the light at the end of the tunnel is there, that showing up everyday isn't a piece of cake. I have more intensely chronic kids than I did last year and I realized about 2 months ago that my relationships with my kids last year is remarkably different than my students this year. For whatever reason, something hasn't clicked with my students this year. They're managed, they're learning, and truthfully most of them are friends. But the few intensely chronic kids I have, are stealing an immense amount of optimism that I feel I can usually find. Anytime one of them is gone my classroom is a different place. One less kid is bothering and creating mess with other students and it gives the rest of the class the ability to focus and take care of what they need to do. But most of all, one thing specifically tears me apart. Last year "L" became the kid that I showed up to school for everyday. Post-Christmas break I remember thinking, "I'm showing up for her today. I'm the best, most stable thing she has right now. And I will do whatever I can to keep her safe." I have a lot of amazing kids there year, but honestly, there is no one like "L." No one who is bringing me to school everyday. No one who when I am not there is constantly on my mind wishing I could be there for them. I came into this job responding to the LORD's calling for me. "And I said here I am, send me," just like my blog is titled and my first post. What I fear most is that I didn't leave the mark I needed to this year with these kids like I did with the ones last year. Do I really feel like the LORD can look at me and say, "Well done, good and faithful servant," at the end of this? I don't really know and I'm not okay with that. One of my best friends recently told me, "You know maybe this wasn't completely about these kids, but what the LORD has taught you and done for you in these past 2 years," and I'm starting to think that may be more and more correct. So the truth of the matter is all you Corps Members out there, the second year is going to be immensely better for you. I promise. You will have a hang of things, you will have more reign in your school, and you will just overall feel more confident. But do not get discouraged if things don't end up quite like the first year. And you even realize that maybe some things about first year was better. And most of all..... Don't quit. My time is almost up. And I am completely positive that it's time for me to move on to the next stage of my life. Mornings still creep in and are rough. And many times I have days that I wish by too quickly. But remember why you started and remember why your kids are the way they are, why they have trust issues, why they're academically behind, why they act out..... And don't quit. The race is almost done.

Teaching Isn't Fair

lealford — Sat, 09 Feb 2013 02:01:37 +0100

If you clicked on this blog because you were looking for another rant about how much teaching sucks, I’m sorry to disappoint. I think that teaching is the best job in the world. I think that anyone who thinks otherwise, should just not be a teacher. Seems like it should be that simple. I definitely do not think that teaching sucks, but I do think teaching is hard. Most days the word teacher can mean a bajillion different things depending on the day. Most days I act as, just to name a few, mother, father, police officer, nurse, counselor (to both children and parents), cheerleader, maid. Most days I come home physically and emotionally drained. Definitely happy but tired. Today was especially hard because a student that I built a very strong relationship with left to go to a different school. She was probably, easily my biggest behavior problem, but also the one I felt the most strongly about. I described this day to my friends as feeling like someone was taking MY child away. This got me thinking about our job. Is that normal for me to feel like that? Am I supposed to get so emotionally attached? Probably not. The things that my kids are going through at home are not fair. This is not a movie. It is real and I don’t like it. I am doing way too much but I am never ever doing enough. I want to be able to do more. The very few times that I talk about this feeling with anyone close to me, popular responses include: "You can only do so much." "You are making such a difference in those kids’ lives." "You have to separate the emotional and the professional aspects." "It’s your first year. Don’t worry this will wear off and when you get old like me, you will become immune to all of that." What? I guess I understand all of these things but I don’t like any of the answers. I never feel like I am doing enough for these sweet kids that only deserve happiness and joy and the opportunity to just be a kid. And I really believe that in order to be a good teacher, you HAVE to become invested in these kids’ lives. Relationships are everything. If you don’t care, then what are you doing being a teacher? But it doesn’t seem like this is all that we can do. I want to do more but there is a line. A line that I have probably (read: definitely) crossed several times… Now I’m just rambling and should probably step down from my soapbox. So, what is the answer? I wish I was ending this post with my brilliant proposal for a new way to change the world of teaching. But I have no idea. I know the textbook answers but those answers make me roll me eyes. I hope I never become “immune” to caring too much about my kids. That makes me feel like throwing up. If that ever happens, I hope someone tells me to retire. It’s not fair that the world seems to always work out for people like me, but not so much for people like my sweet kids. I don’t want anyone to tell me that I’m a saint. Bleh! I want someone to help me fix the whole world. Because the whole world is making me sad.

1 for 1 and Repeated Affairs.

KKC2011 — Mon, 21 Jan 2013 21:39:20 +0100

Around this exact time last year I wrote an entry on how I finally learned how to long term plan. Well. It seems to have happened again. Somehow in this season of my life something just clicked about planning during my Professional Development day after Winter Break. Last year, I finally learned how to plan for a full week. This year, I learned how to plan for a full month. (Okay, I understand that being the most effective means you can plan your entire year but being realistic that just hasn't been an option for me. I would go out on a limb and say it's probably about the same for most of my TFA colleagues). I don't really know how to explain it or how it has improved since this time a year ago. And by not being able to explain it, I literally mean I don't know how to put it into words. Honestly, I'm just grateful that for some reason the LORD has decided to bestow upon me knowledge that makes my planning and job easier. It's bizarre. In other news, I'm not really one for resolutions. I moreso feel like at anytime in your life you should start new, healthy routines and cutoff old, deadly, poor ones. However, I decided that being a new semester I would make a "resolution" for my work life. In the midst of having a much healthier life this year than last, I realized I still spend a significant amount of energy and time at my job. In turn, it still drains me physically and emotionally more than I'd want. So I decided I would go into work no earlier than 6:45 everyday (1 day a week is an exception) and leave no later than 5 p.m. (1 day a week is an exception). By this I assumed my morning stomach aches would decrease and my productivity would increase. Hey I've been 1 for 1 so far. And it felt freaking good. The morning stomach aches seemed to have decreased significantly, even if it was just for one week. I have a feeling this semester is about to fly by. I'm excited to feel like things may be possibly running a little bit smoother. And well, I suppose to just finish these last 5 months out as strong as I can. Only eighteen Sundays left....EIGHTEEN. Who would have thought?

Lying To Children

lealford — Sat, 12 Jan 2013 22:08:02 +0100

This past week was testing week for reading, which was really exciting for me. I already had a pretty good idea of how much each of my kids was growing and around what level they had moved to but this test makes it official and tells me exactly how much they have grown. I am so impressed with them! They have been working SO hard and have really blown me away with how much they have grown. Most of my kids came to me reading on about a kindergarten or first grade reading level and they have to be ready for third grade next year in order for them to be on track to be successful. So my goal for every student in my class was for them to make 2 years of reading growth in 1 year. Moving up 4 reading levels is equal to 1 year of growth so I want them all to move up 8 reading levels by the end of the year. This is a huge goal but I really think we can do it! Toward the middle of the first semester I was struggling a little bit with motivating my kids to make this kind of growth. I wanted them to understand how much growth we need to make and how hard we need to work to do that. So after talking to my absolutely amazing MTLD, Meg, she shared with me something that she did in her class when she was a middle school teacher in California. So when I went home for Thanksgiving break, I stole her idea and got everything ready to start a competition in my class. On the first day back from break, I told my students that I when I went home to Texas I ran into another second grade teacher who told me that she thinks her class is smarter than my class. So I told that teacher that we should have a competition between our two schools. The competition is whoever moves up the most reading levels AND gets the most effort points by the end of the year wins. I showed them a powerpoint to get them pumped up for the competition and help them understand how it would work. The (fake) school is called Texas Prepatory Charter Academy. I showed them a picture of a really fancy looking school, a group of really fancy looking kids in uniforms that we are competing against and also a picture of the competing teacher at Texas Prep, AKA the villain, my MTLD Meg! My kids are pretty feisty and they are extremely motivated by any kind of competition so they were pumped. After the first week, I told them we should write a letter to the Texas Prep class to tell them why we are going to win. Here are some quotes from some of their letters: “I know we are going to win because we work harder than your class and our brains are bigger than yours.” “I know we are going to win because Ms. A is a better teacher than your teacher and she loves us and we read every day and we try really hard and she even lets us borrow her books.” (with a picture of him with a really huge brain) “When our class wins your class is going to give our class a trophy. Look at the picture I drew of your class giving our class a trophy. Do you like it?” (with a picture of me and my class smiling and cheering with a huge trophy and their class crying and bleeding) “I know we are going to win because Ms. A teaches us tons of stuff and I read all the time. P.S. We know how to write even longer letters than this.” (with a picture of me smiling and saying “We won!” and picture of the Texas Prep teacher saying “My clothes are torn!”) So I’d say they are pretty invested in this thing. (Sidenote: I never said anything about a trophy and I definitely didn’t say anything about any fighting which is the only thing I can think of that would result in bleeding or clothes being torn… Maybe I got them a little too riled up? Whoops.) To keep the investment going, Meg makes videos of herself talking about how great her Texas Prep class is doing and how my class is going to need to step it up. Since she is my MTLD, sometimes she has to come and observe me teaching, but when she comes she is going to tell my kids that Texas Prep flew her out to KC to check out what we are doing to make such great growth. I also make up fake newsletters that I say I found on the Texas Prep website talking about the second grade reading competition against a school in Kansas City… Okay, I know I know. Maybe I am a terrible, horrible person to make up such an elaborate lie to tell to all of my sweet kids. And maybe I get very nervous that they are going to find out this is all a huge lie and there is no such thing as Texas Prepatory Charter Academy. But I just tell myself that lying in the name of student achievement is perfectly okay, right? And, it's working!

Takis, Hot Cheetos, and Boogers

lealford — Fri, 11 Jan 2013 02:04:51 +0100

I had never even heard of takis until I started teaching here but now they seem to be a recurring theme in my everyday teaching experience/my nightmares. I despise takis. If you don’t know what takis are, you lucky dog you, they are just like hot cheetos. They are really red, really spicy hot, snack chips that leave a terrible red stain on your fingers/mouth/clothes/classroom if you eat them or are around someone that is eating them. My kids go absolutely CRAZY for those things. They hoard them, steal them, bring them to school, hide them in their backpacks, sneak them in the back of the classroom to eat them while I am reading a story at the carpet... I have witnessed the sharing of takis cause some solid BFF friendships to form and I’ve also witnessed several more all-out fights to take place because “Ms. A!!!!!!! So and so stole my takis outta my backpack I know she did I seen her take them outta there and NOW SHE GOT RED ALL OVER HER MOUTH AND FINGERS AND SHE BE LYIN!!!!!!” I. Despise. Takis. I have a marble jar in my class that I put marbles in if the whole class is doing something really good. If we get a certain number of marbles in the jar, the whole class gets a reward and the rewards get better as the number gets bigger. So the reward for 20 marbles was a snack party and I told them that I would buy each of them whatever snack they wanted and we could have a shoes off snack party in our room. Well, we got 20 marbles super fast after I made that dumb announcement. So guess what they all want when I ask them for snack orders? Takis and hot cheetos. Literally every single kid. Except one. Oh my sweet B. B is the only white boy in my homeroom class. Very very white and very very sensitive. Also, apparently, B used to eat his boogers in 1st grade so all the kids in my class call him Booger B. Now of course when I heard this we had a long sit-down chat about how that is not kind and our number one job in the world is to be kind to everyone no matter what. I also talked to B about maybe not eating his boogers anymore since we are in second grade now. But the nickname still kinda stuck. So anyway, I ask the class if anyone does not want takis or hot cheetos.. and there goes Booger B raising his hand. A little nervous that he’s going to embarrass himself, I ask what he wants and he yells, “FRUIT SNACKS!”. Oh B.

Here I Am

lealford — Sat, 05 Jan 2013 02:14:12 +0100

Well hello world! I feel like I need to start off this little blog by introducing myself to you. I am from Texas, went to school in Arkansas, majored in elementary education, got my Master of Arts in Teaching and then applied for Teach For America last spring. Now I am here in the wonderful town of Kansas City teaching second grade reading and writing. Applying for Teach For America was something that was definitely always in the back of my mind but not something I ever thought I would really do. I am passionate about teaching and can’t imagine doing anything else but when I was thinking about where I wanted to go after I graduated, I knew I didn’t really want to do the safe thing and go back home, but I didn’t know where to choose. It was something that I prayed A LOT about and finally decided on TFA because I knew that if I got in, the Lord would place me where I needed to be and also where the greatest need was for teachers that care. So, I told TFA my top 10 choices for places I could picture myself teaching.. Which, were for reasons like: ‘Oh, Emily Maynard from the Bachelor lives in Charlotte, NC-that would probably be a cute place to live.' Or, ‘My friend Grace lives in Atlanta, GA so that would be fun.’ And best of all, ‘I’ve been to Kansas City one time for a fraternity formal and that seemed pretty cool.’ All of this pretty much gave my sweet mom a heart attack and, for understandable reasons, be very concerned about my future. (Shoutout: Love you Mom!) After applying, I wasn’t really sure if I knew that TFA was for sure the route I wanted to take. But, when I found out I got in and that I was placed in Kansas City elementary education, I remember being so excited that I was jumping up and down and screaming in the fourth grade classroom where I was interning while my kids were at P.E. (My kids thought I was crazy when they came back from specials… Also, I am positive this is not the first time kids have thought I was crazy.) After that, God continued to do some incredible things and put some incredible people in my life. Later that summer, I found out I would be teaching my favorite grade and my favorite subject. I also found out that a girl that was in my sorority at Arkansas would also be doing TFA in KC and we decided to be roommates. This was a HUGE blessing because Elizabeth is absolutely wonderful and I cannot imagine making it through this first semester without her. I would highly recommend that everyone live with her at one point in their life because she is so great but I plan on living with her for the rest of my life so I’m not sharing. When I started school in August, I also found that I love my school, I am surrounded by an outstanding group of KC corps members, great coworkers and principal at my school, and great support from TFA. Not to mention, most importantly, absolutely the cutest, funniest, sweetest little second graders in the world. Which leads me into why I wanted to start this blog. There are a few reasons: First, because my kids are hilarious and it is just not fair that the rest of the world doesn’t get to hear about the things they come up with. Second, this is for my mom/friends/family/you to keep up with my life because I am terrible at keeping up with people. Third, when I was thinking about applying to TFA I read this blog and stumbled upon a great blog written by Caroline in the Delta and yall that girl is doing some incredible stuff and is really changing the world and I really just wanted to be like her. So, cheers to 2013 and me hopefully keeping up with this thing and sharing all the shenanigans that go on in my second grade classroom. Then I heard the voice of the Lord saying, "Whom shall I send? And who will go for us?" And I said, "Here am I. Send me!"- Isaiah 6:8

75% - What's next?

KKC2011 — Sun, 09 Dec 2012 19:10:06 +0100

This season, 2nd quarter, has been an interesting time for me. I have realized that in 8 and 1/2 school days I will be 75% of the way through my Teach For America commitment. Most people in my life know already that I will not be returning after this year. As hard as this job is, it is not because of the kids, the broken school system, or anything along those lines. In the simplest words - I just do not enjoy being an elementary teacher. I've learned I love a lot about teaching. More than anything, I do love my kids even on their worst days. But if I'm not going to be a High School Broadcast Teacher one day, then I really don't think I want to teach at all. So a few things have been on my mind constantly this last quarter. 1.) Is my push to be the best teacher I can be still happening? Or am I subconsciously letting my development stay at status quo because I know that in 5 months I will be done with this job? 2.) How can I give my best daily as a Reading, Science, and Social Studies teacher and not just a Math teacher? (I love teaching Math, the other 3, not so much...) 3.) I am starting to freak out a little inside knowing that I have to completely start over the job searching process. Yes, I realize this is completely my own doing and that I could have this job if I wanted it next year until I got a new job. But I am not willing to start a new year as a teacher, only to leave in the middle of it. That is the whole reason these kids have trust issues and why the achievement gap exists. Regardless, job searching is stressful. 4.) My kids need a break just like I do. Christmas break always seems to come at the perfect time. The teachers, including myself, are tired. The kids are tired. We need time to revamp and be away from each other. The beauty of coming back from Christmas break is that I can readjust multiple things in my classroom if I desire because of the simple fact that I will have to re-teach all my procedures and expectations anyways! 5.) After all these Sundays.....they still are freaking hard! and lastly 6.) I want to thoroughly enjoy my Christmas break this year, as well as be productive. Last year, it was 2 weeks of breathing, sitting, and trying to stay as distracted as possible. Being a 2nd year gives so much more freedom and life to breaks from school. I look forward to doing the things I love most with the people I love most over break. To the 1st years: If you're still struggling, stay hopeful. Everything really DOES get better after Christmas break. Happy Holidays!

Blink of an Eye.

KKC2011 — Sun, 04 Nov 2012 20:15:59 +0100

There's not too much to report on since I last updated. There's needs to be a moment of celebration to take place because Black October is over. If that's the worst 31 days of the year then let's keep on truckin'. The people in my life made those 31 days go by about as quick as it possible could. So just like in my last post, thanks to all the people in my life walking by my side and supporting me. You rock. For real. In other news, there's been one thing tugging on my heart more than anything else. It happens all the time. Happened all the time last year. I'm aware of it. But every time it happens, it catches me completely off guard. It's crazy to me how literally with the blink of an eye, my kids' lives can completely change. One second their lives are going in one direction and then one second later everything completely changes. I forget how naive I still am sometimes. I remember growing up thinking my life was unstable and how things were ALWAYS changing. But compared to these kids...my life was about as stable as a foundation for a house. Something that is not abnormal is the constant enrollment/withdrawal process at our school. Kids are always enrolling and always withdrawing. One day they live in the KCMO district. Two days later they're moving to Mississippi. Or wherever. One day they live on Tracy. Two weeks later they live on Prospect. Sometimes it's money. Their parents lose the house. Sometimes they're moving in with a friends. Sometimes they're moving because of behavior problems. Whatever it is....their lives are CONSTANTLY on the move. My brightest student this year I just found out is withdrawing. Well, her mom withdrew her on Friday. She's taking them back to Mississippi because her brother's behavior is out of control and she's thinking going back with extended family may be helpful. Again, this type of situation is not abnormal. And I've already gone through it twice this year with two other students in a similar form. I know T had no idea she was going until 2 days before. But truthfully I'm not sure I believed it would actually happen until I saw the paperwork. It's not worth getting too much into, for more reasons than one, but T's behavior had slowly been slipping the last 2 weeks she was with me. I honestly believe in her heart she knew change was about to happen..again...and she was sick of it. I pulled T aside at Support on Wednesday. She had been horse-playing and getting into it with others for two days straight and I was done with it. Long story short. I spoke my thoughts very clearly to her in a very firm voice. T always listens when I talk with her. But that day she smirked and turned her head. So finally, at one point I told her "and the fact that you're smirking is why frustrates me the most, because I'm not laughing." Then I proceeded to walk away. Who would have ever thought that would be my last interaction with T? I've been questioning that conversation for 2 days now. In my heart, I'm hoping that conversation is maybe T can think about and can help her grow. And not be one where someone else walked away on her. T - wherever you are, I hope you know that you are way too smart, brilliant, talented, beautiful, funny, to ever settle for average and not go for you dreams. Your future is what you make of it.

Sunday Stomach Aches

KKC2011 — Sun, 14 Oct 2012 21:10:11 +0100

If I could tell 1st year Corps Members anything, it's that the 2nd year is so much easier. Even on my hardest days, I am 100 times more prepared and able than ANY day my first year. But the one thing that has never gone away are Sunday Stomach Aches. The nerves of getting ready for the week. The anxiety of anticipating what issues my kids will be bringing with them into school on Monday. The pressure of having all my plans posted, performing for observations, performing for my students (so that whatever little I can try and move them academically they will), maintaining grades, meeting deadlines. And most of all, the reminder that I love teaching, love my students, but that I do not want to be an elementary teacher. And tomorrow I have to wake up for the next 5 days and fight through, and literally dread, doing a job that isn't my passion. Black October is already almost halfway over. This season is hard for teachers. I can't lie and say it's been easy. But at the end of each day my mind is able to find a peace within itself because the people in my life right now have been fighting so hard for me. They encourage me, pray for me, believe in me, and fight for me daily. I'm the luckiest person on the planet. Even though right now, it's Sunday, I'm dreading tomorrow, and I want more than anything to not plan, I know it's going to be okay because of these people. This past year and a half (and going to be two years) is still unlike anything I would have ever thought. But I would never take back the challenges and battles I'm facing right now because of the simple fact of how much its molding me as a human being. And because even the days I feel like my kids make me want to pull my hair out, I love them. Thanksgiving is next month, but right now is when I feel most thankful. To all the people fighting for me - I seriously couldn't do this without you. Seriously. Thank you.