Teach For America teacher blogs are on Teach For Us

Biking and building and... teaching?

memphismind — Sun, 16 Jun 2013 04:28:00 +0100

Last summer, I rode a bike from Charleston, SC to Santa Cruz, CA for affordable housing through a program called Bike and Build. It was one of the hardest and most amazing experiences of my life, and I am finding that my summer spent with Teach for America is quite similar to it in a lot of ways (except B&B allowed time for naps and had way better food). Last summer, one of our four precious days off was in Little Rock, AK. This weekend this year's SC2SC route was in Little Rock, and myself as well as three other alumni from my route (Britt, Stew, and Gina) decided to visit them! I headed out to Little Rock last night after training was over, and I was very excited to escape the TFA bubble for a day and return to the B&B bubble that I miss so much! I was also excited because I have a few friends on this year's route-- Mike, who I recently met in Orlando, FL; Brian, my mentee, who is also from MI and happens to be in teh same fraternity as my dad; and Cassie, Britt's girlfriend. While the relaxation and all was fun, what I want to talk about is a little deeper than that. Today, I got the opportunity to see Central High and its visitor center. Central High is where the Little Rock 9 happened (the first majorly publicized attempt at desegregation in a public school). In TFA, we have talked about the Little Rock 9 a lot because it is so pertinent to our work. Minority and impoverished populations are not getting the same opportunities to education that others are, and the perseverance that these students had in obtaining what was rightfully theirs is admirable. I felt both disgusted and empowered standing in the visitor center-- knowing that they were so accomplished in their actions, but also knowing that the achievement gap is still a very real problem. The museum had some inspirational quotes that really resonated with me: "If not us, then who? If not now, then when?" (John Lewis-- former Freedom Rider) "We've come too far from where we started to get tired now." Another one that stuck out to me was a billboard that says "Who will build Arkansas if its own people do not?" I feel like this is a message I need to send to my students in Memphis-- they must take ownership of their city. As we left the visitor center, we walked over to the park and school grounds. In the park, there was a group of people taking photos with chains and ropes around them. We asked a man there what this was all about, and he said they were rehearsing for a big event that is coming up sponsored by the visitor center. We learned that there were people right there standing next to us who were the sons and daughters of the Little Rock 9 and other pertinent leaders in Civil Rights. It was amazing to see that legacy right in front of me considering our goal at MBA is to live up to the legacy. Listening to him speak, a current B&B rider said, "it's always interesting to meet people who have more to say than we do." This stood out to me because on B&B we were constantly telling people about our journey and people were so impressed, yet traveling the country by bike also meant that we got to hear the stories of such a range of people. I am so grateful to have met that man today and to have had a re-glimpse at my B&B experience. The two programs-- and issues (education/affordable housing)-- are more correlated than they may appear, and I know I am becoming/have become a much better person having experienced both of them. I loved today, and I am feeling rejuvenated and ready to work hard tomorrow to prepare myself for the week ahead. I will post pictures from the museum soon!

Shout outs!

memphismind — Tue, 11 Jun 2013 02:36:22 +0100

This will be brief but everything is going well! Shout out to Service Master for providing all Corps Members in Memphis with a $25 Amazon gift card to help us get our classrooms started. It is sincerely appreciated. Trying to decide how to make the best use out of mine at the moment... I spent this weekend writing my vision statement for my summer school experience, and I am pretty proud of it! It is 7 pages! I will be meeting with my TLC tomorrow to talk about it and make appropriate edits. Every day I learn a lot and something is challenged in my thinking. I have also made good friends with a girl who will be working with my at my school in the fall, which is super exciting! We get along quite well, and I can't wait to be colleagues. As of right now, we have our first sessions starting at 8 and we have to be out of breakfast by 7:30. Starting Wednesday, we will have to be on our busses to go to our school site by 6:30. The fact that as of Wednesday the 6 AM wake up time I have now will seem like sleeping in is a little scary. Luckily, being in the actual classroom should make it all worth it! I got some big news about my family moving to Florida in a few months to find work a few days ago, which I am happy for them but a little sad I did not get to say a proper goodbye to my Michigan home because I was under the assumption that I would be returning. I also skyped with Andy this weekend, and I miss him very much. Being busy is typically a good distraction, but nighttime and weekends where we have more free time definitely make me a little more emotional. Luckily, I have very supportive people in my life who will be there for me regardless of the distance, and I am grateful for this. :) <3

Institute: Day Two

memphismind — Wed, 05 Jun 2013 03:22:30 +0100

Two days of Institute done! It feels like I have been here forever already. Today was equally as amazing as yesterday. In the morning we listened to logistical information, but then we spent the rest of the day with our TLC (cohort) group. We really got to know each other by sharing our life maps-- basically, we made "maps" that included pivotal points of our life, including key influencers, periods, and incidents. This honestly took a large portion of the day, but it was amazing to get to know everyone. Each one of us is so unique and has a different story, but we are all HERE for the same reason-- we believe that one day, every child will have access to an excellent education. One moment that really stuck out to me was when one of my teammates was presenting and she got emotional because she realized that she was unaware of all of the racism that still exists in our society-- she was sheltered from it where she grew up. She kept referring to herself as "stupid," and I told her, "No, you're not stupid. You would only be stupid if you heard all of this information in front of you now and continued to believe that racism is not real." Later on, she asked another member of our group to elaborate on an experience she had (regarding something called "driving while black"-- basically the idea that black people get pulled over for no reason on a frequent basis). Instead of reacting in a negative way, which could have been a total possibility, both people showed respect for each other, communicated, and learned. This modeled how we want conversations in our classrooms to be, and led us into our next segment where we figured out what we want as a group and how we are going to obtain it. This summer, our group wants: honest feedback, vulnerability, a GroupMe, respect, room to make mistakes, "I" statements, passion, friendship, laughter, collaboration, encouragement + support, active listening, trust, and authenticity. I am already seeing all of these traits playing a role in our TLC, and it has only been 48 hours. Something else that really stuck out to me today was the truth/kindness spectrum. Basically, showing only truth or only kindness to someone is dangerous: truth is dangerous because there is a danger in not showing WHY you are telling the truth; kindness is dangerous because there is a danger is not challenging the person. Instead, we should strive for compassion: "I love you enough to tell you the truth in a way that makes us BOTH better." This is something that I will have to work on in my personality and teaching, but I have already seen Jess and Tammie modeling it, which helps! Something fun that we did today was make a cohort playlist. Our songs are: 1. Suit and Tie- Justin Timberlake 2. I Believe I Can Fly- R. Kelly 3. Wavin' Flag- K'Naan 4. Strip Me- Natasha Bedingfield 5. Brave- Sara Bareilles 6. Liberation- OutKast 7. H.A.M.- Kanye West 8. Wake Up Everybody- John Legend 9. You've Got a Friend- Carol King 10. Stronger- Kelly Clarkston 11. Remember the Name- Fort Minor 12. Go the Distance- Hercules 13. A Change is Gonna Come- Sam Cook There is a song missing... I don't know what it is! Also, a lot of these songs are songs that I played on Bike and Build, so there's yet another connection between the two. I know this playlist will get me through some difficult times this summer and in the upcoming two years. Finally, to end the day, we did a challenging activity called the "Listening Tour" where we went to a shopping plaza in the Frayser area and basically walked up to Memphians, told them we are new teachers in the area, and asked them questions such as what it means to be a Memphian, what they think of the educational system, how do they imagine reform in the city, etc. This was challenging because talking to strangers is hard in any setting, but Jess reminded us that as teachers we must learn to talk to people, and we must be fearless. One comment that I heard repeatedly in my conversations was in regards to parent involvement. I asked all of these people how they think teachers can play a role in motivating parents, and I did not get too much direct feedback. However, I did have one particularly inspirational conversation with some family members. The two adults could have sincerely been teachers themselves-- they were so motivating! Their children were also with them, so it was great to get a perspective from students in the communities we are teaching in. One of the girls in my cohort is actually going to be teaching at the student's high school next year! Awesome! While this family certainly addressed the challenges of education in Memphis, they were very clear and positive in how we should combat them. Additionally, they LOVED Teach for America, which was refreshing since I have received a lot of disdain from people. I ended the day by visiting my school for the fall for the first time! I will be teaching 7th or 8th grade English. I am so excited and already in love with these students I have yet to meet! While I am nervous about Jr. High, I have some great ideas-- and I think this gives me a perfect excuse to incorporate my beloved young adult literature into the classroom! WOO! Long day!

Institute: Day One

memphismind — Tue, 04 Jun 2013 02:29:56 +0100

Well, here I am-- after months of anticipation-- I am sitting in my dorm room with my amazing roommate Anna at the University of Memphis. Today was our first day of Institute, and let me just say... they definitely don't start you off slow here. I spent 12 hours today in scheduled programming, but it was all amazing. First, however, let me briefly reflect on the move! I drove down to Cincinnati on Friday night and stayed with the lovely, accommodating grandparents. The drive was probably the most stressful drive of my life due to weather, traffic, and construction. However, I made it safely, and got to spend time with my family, however brief, which is always welcome. On Saturday I drove the remaining 8 hours to Memphis, where I stayed with Gina from Bike and Build. Stewart is also in Memphis (for at least the summer), so he was with us! I really enjoyed catching up with them and look forward to some good bike rides this summer. On Sunday, it was finally time to move in. I surprisingly wasn't nervous. It is interesting because I would compare this experience to Bike and Build in a lot of ways, and I was sooo nervous before B&B. Here, however, I felt completely chill. I met with Rhiannon, my future roommate, for brunch at a yummy place called Bayou Bar & Grill in midtown, and then we headed to the university for registration. We got bombarded with information, and then worked together to carry all of our belongings inside. Got a great workout! I live on the 5th floor, and I am DEDICATED to taking the stairs this summer! I finally got to meet my roommate, Anna, who is from my TLC group (basically a smallish cohort that you work with during the summer). Speaking of TLC... I did get some sad news. These past few months I had been in Tammie's TLC group, which I fell in love with. I feel like we all bonded on both social and professional levels, even though all of our communication was done online. Also, Tammie is a GREAT teacher, and I felt like I learned so much from her already, and I was excited to continue to learn more. Sadly, I found out upon arrival that my TLC group (as well as Anna's) was switched to Jess's group. This broke my heart a little bit, but after my first TLC meeting with Jess today, I am feeling much better about the situation! Tammie assured Anna and I that Jess is awesome, and I can see it. Anyways, I am rambling about a day that isn't even as important as today was, but I love my roommate situation and everyone I have met so far. Of course, we have already had a couple of funny situations of being lost, Target mishaps, etc. My life, honestly! We ended the day at YOLO Frozen Yogurt in Midtown, and walked around a little bit. This was my first exposure to one reality of Memphis which is the fact that privilege and poverty can literally be right across the street from each other. It was very interesting to see, and I learned more about this today. SPEAKING OF... today! Finally! We started the morning with our school leader and team for the summer. I will be at the Memphis Business Academy teaching high school ELA (English/Language Arts). Our leader is Kyle, and he is so inspirational! He gave us a speech and gave us three "to do" items for every day: 1. Laugh 2. Demonstrate appreciation for someone 3. Written reflection This blog will serve as my written reflection-- I will try very hard to write something every day, although I can't guarantee that it will always be as thorough as this "essay" currently is, haha. Kyle inspired us to "live up to the legacy" because Memphis has a history of leadership, from civil rights to music. This resonated with me because it is actually a part of my Personal Theory of Change, which I will write more specifically about later. Afterwards, we went to the Opening Plenary, which began with a spoken word poem by an incoming senior student at a school in Memphis. It was about poetry, listening, and breathing, and I was very impressed! Afterwards, we heard from Athena, our director, who made us reflect on why we are doing this work and why we chose Memphis. This is a theme that continued throughout the day. She told us that we will be staring injustice in the face every day, and we have to consistently be dedicated to fighting it. As Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. said in 1968 before his assassination, "Something is happening in Memphis. Something is happening in our world." Afterwards, we got to witness a panel where we learned more about why we are committed to Memphis. We also got to hear more about where education stands in Memphis today, which was interesting. Memphis is currently undergoing something called the merger, in which the Memphis City Schools and the Shelby County Schools are combining to become the Unified School District. This has created a lot of controversy. While it originally began as an economic issue, it is now something that will educationally benefit the city. I am sure I will learn more about this later. Hearing the panelists speak reminded me that as controversial as what you have to do is, you have to know that it is the right thing. This sticks with me because I have faced a lot of disdain from people, especially educator friends, who are not fans of Teach for America for a number of reasons. While I can understand some of these controversies, I know that what I am doing is necessary and important. This entry is getting rather winded, so to summarize the rest of the day, I went to a number of various panels. We literally did not even have time for lunch scheduled, that's how packed our day was (we did get to eat though, don't worry). Some things that stuck with me throughout the day were hearing specific stories of success and progress, showing that Memphis is a proof point. The conversation regarding education has changed to be student focused and regarding high expectations. Additionally, I learned a lot about the importance of relationships with students (which I already knew), and that is it important not to force middle class values on students and families. We need to look outside the traditional sense of everything, and see what the communities imagine themselves to be-- not what we want them to be. Additionally, as I mentioned earlier regarding my brief walking tour, I noticed that a lot of people believe in the significance of synthesizing everything (school, local businesses, community, etc.), but right now there is a huge disconnect where poverty and privilege can literally be next door, and some students never go 6 blocks away from where they live. I got to reflect on all of these issues, and more, with my TLC group, which was great! I am working with some AMAZING people, and I cannot wait to get to know them. Finally, to end the day, we had a session on the Theory of Change, which began with a conversation between a TFA corps member and her student. The student reflected on how he has become a better writer, and when he said that he had passed his writing test & his score, everyone in the audience started cheering and clapping for him. The student got a huge smile on his face, and I honestly teared up. It was clear in that moment to me how important this work is. Everyone here is an advocate for these students we barely know but are already falling in love with. This is critical. This post would be incomplete without a reflection of the end of my day. While everything I took in was so informative and great, I am not going to lie by 5:30 PM I was tired. We had been sitting in sessions since 8 AM, and I had a headache that made me feel sick to my stomach. However, we had yet to visit our school sites for the summer for a student/community dinner. The instant that I walked into that school I was rejuvenated and all smiles. Seeing the students that I sincerely instantly fell in love with was great. The students introduced themselves to us, and we got to eat with them. They also gave us a tour of the school. Two of the students are college bound next year, and they were very inspirational. Additionally, one of Jess's students at Frayser High School (the lowest performing high school in the Achievement School District) joined us. It was great to talk to him and hear about the differences between these two schools (the one we are at for the summer is a charter school). Jess said he writes good poetry, so I sent him a video of a slam poet-- "Pursue Your Passion" by Kirk Nugent-- check it out if you can on YouTube. The positive energy I felt upon entering that school building was so refreshing. It reminded me that although I may get tired this summer, and I may want to sleep, and I may get frustrated, I LOVE these kids, and I love working with them, and that just makes me all smiles! :) All right-- that's enough for the evening. We have another long day coming up. I get to go to my school for the upcoming year for the first time tomorrow evening, and I am so excited (and slightly nervous). Good night! :) BTW-- not proofreading this due to lack of time, so don't judge any errors, please! I am an English teacher, but I am not perfect!

The Critical Mass...

A.Q. — Sun, 02 Jun 2013 15:00:17 +0100

I was lucky enough to teach at a school with other corps members, who quickly became my support system and some of my closest friends in Memphis besides my roommates. My first year, there were 8 of us; my second year, 5. But while clustering was a massive individual benefit, I questioned - and still question - whether we as a group had any impact outside of the four walls of our classrooms or the dimensions of our fields and community pools, whether we had any impact on the culture of the school at all. Did we influence any other staff members - and if so, positively or negatively? How might we have influenced their perception of TFA? I returned to Memphis recently to see my first classes of students graduate. Sitting in that convention center and watching dozens of students I had taught walk across the stage filled my heart with joy. The next day, I returned to my former school, and all the pride I had felt at commencement deflated in me like a balloon. Nothing had changed. I realized it had been beyond foolish and arrogant of me to think that anything would have, just because some bright-eyed, no-nonsense corps members had taught there for a couple of years. Corps members had been placed there each year since the region began, so the fact that there was little structure when we got there should have been a sign that our impact would be negligible. While we could all name names of students we had impacted individually, the uneasy truth was that it wasn't enough for anything to be different once we left those buildings. Our students could have been perfect angels in our classrooms ("could have been," not "were"), but they were still engulfed in the overall culture of the school, where there was little discipline and a low sense of urgency. TFA harped on building long-term traits and mindsets in our students, and God knows we tried, but it did always feel like swimming upstream. I walked one of my best students, T., a real academic superstar, to her homeroom, and somehow it slipped that she had been skipping her social studies class a lot to go to a different teacher's room. And she was still getting a high A in social studies. My feelings about the stifling atmosphere of school, especially for extremely bright children, aside, it's unbelievable that she could not only get away with class-cutting, but that it also wasn't affecting her grade in the least. To me, school is about learning both academics and social/professional norms, and T. was seemingly learning neither. Showing up regularly is a pretty crucial habit to develop, right? Of course, it's on T. herself to grow into a mature young woman, but when teachers fail to instill values of responsibility and accountability, they can't go blameless. I might have held T. to a high standard when I was her teacher, but I failed in guiding so many others toward adulthood over my two years, and that's not an easy pill to swallow. I keep wondering if there really is a critical mass of teachers at one school who can effect a change or a turnaround of the culture and what that critical mass might be. Most days, it didn't seem like our numbers had made any impact outside of our classrooms. Would real change have depended on our seeking out leadership or administrative positions? Our second year, the five of us collectively coached or assistant-coached five sports and organized two clubs, but we still had little clout and mute voices, perhaps because we were seen as temporary. In my case, I had already experienced extremely frustrating and futile interactions with my administration about improvement, and so I resigned myself to being the master of my room only. (It's worth noting that in late October of our second year, all five of us were considering returning for a third year at our school. For various reasons, including a serious lack of support and interest in our development, by January, none of us really continued to entertain that thought. Part of that is on TFA, too, in creating the assumption that corps members will only teach for two years, providing little incentive for principals to support exiting staff. Still, isn't there some line about assuming things?...) Teaching helped me realize that school culture depends on everyone, and it develops from the top down. Without a committed captain, the five of us and every other teacher dedicated to student learning were just bailing water on a slowly sinking ship, and ultimately, we just bailed on the ship itself.

The Suitemate...

A.Q. — Mon, 27 May 2013 00:49:43 +0100

For those of you starting institute for the first time, the fourth time, and/or the last time, here's a fond institute memory for you: Four years ago, I moved into a large suite at St. John's University in Queens for my first institute experience as an operations coordinator. I was still in college, debating whether or not to apply to the corps. One of my suitemates, Ari, happened to be on the same team I was (communications, and it was the best!!), and she was awesome to work and hang out with (as are pretty much all institute staffers; it's not a coincidence). Fast forward to this spring, as I'm looking for summer housing in New York City. I've completed my corps commitment and am one year into law school. Who do I think of but Ari, who I know is also in law school and potentially working elsewhere for the summer? I e-mail her and a high school friend also at Columbia Law, asking if they or anyone they know plan to sublet an apartment, and now I am typing this from Ari's room in Morningside Heights. It's not an institute love story or anything, but I like it anyway. Who would've thunk? TFA shrinks the world, y'all.

One Fine Morning---

memphismind — Fri, 17 May 2013 01:24:56 +0100

"Gatsby believed in the green light, the orgastic future that year by year recedes before us. It eluded us then, but that’s no matter—tomorrow we will run faster, stretch out our arms farther. . . . And then one fine morning—"

On January 7th, I received an e-mail from Teach for America informing me that I was invited to join the 2013 Memphis Corps. Upon acceptance, I have spent the last semester talking with my future Corps Members, engaging in Onboarding curriculum with my TLC group, trying to organize my life and fathom moving my hundreds of books, and learning about & instilling TFA's mission. Two days ago, I was hired at a charter school to teach secondary English.

In two weeks, I will move to Memphis, TN for real to begin Institute-- the first time Memphis has had its own Institute training program.

I am scared, but excited. I am empowered. I love my students already, and I have not even met them yet.

Feel free to follow me as I reflect on my life-changing journey! :)

The Road Home...

A.Q. — Thu, 16 May 2013 22:11:53 +0100

Tomorrow, this time, I will be on my way to Memphis. I will be completely done with my first year of law school and completely free for five beautiful summer days in a city that still, inexplicably yet somehow predictably, has my heart. I think it might have something to do with the idea behind this line I read today: If you can’t be yourself in Memphis, you can’t be yourself. In Memphis, I really was true to myself - and the best version of myself. I'd be lying if I said I didn't want that back. I envy all the new corps members who will soon arrive for Memphistitute and discover the wonder of the Bluff City. I hope they fall for Memphis as quickly as I did and make the most of their time there, whether it's two years or a lifetime. I envy those I taught with who are still there, those I know who have made their lives there (for now, or forever). I don't know if this is a case of the grass always being greener, but I do believe that I could have been very happy if I had just stayed put. There has been no shortage of Memphis pride lately, what with the Grizzlies' triumphs and ascension to the Western Conference Finals for the first time in franchise history. Their redemption story is the redemption story of Memphis; their heart, and grit, and grind reflects the same of every Memphian I know. I was there to watch the Grizzlies force a Game 7 against the Thunder, only to lose in OKC (conference semi-finals, 2011). I was there to witness the disappointment blanketing the FedEx Forum when we lost Game 7 to the Clippers after coming back from 3-1 (first round, 2012). I remember watching this season, though, and feeling like something like Fate was orchestrating a different story this time around. Clippers dispatched in 6. Thunder in 5. The road home is sweet - and victory sweeter. The glorification of sports stars runs rampant, especially among my students, some of whom still haven't quite realized their shot at going pro is equivalent to mine. And while I hesitate to encourage idolatry, I kind of like that my students might be learning a little something from these Grizzly men. They are a team people had counted out just a few seasons ago, a team maligned for its trades (see: Gasol/Gasol and Gay) and contract decisions (see: Conley) and underestimated for its ability to succeed without big stars (adios, Battier... see you in the NBA Finals?). So many kids in Memphis have been counted out by their own city. That there is even debate over saving Pre-K is maddening. Cut something else if you must, but don't cut the education of our youngest, most precious, most valuable assets. So many kids have been maligned for the dumb actions of a few, or worse, mere stereotypes, and underestimated for their intelligence and will. On Sunday, I will watch my first class of students walk across a stage to collect their high school diplomas. I attended the commencement ceremonies each year I taught and had a handful of students graduate each time, but this will be the first time I get to see at least a couple dozen of them sporting caps and gowns. There's something about graduation and seeing students so... grown up that fills my heart with the hope that anything is possible for them, that happy endings are out there. I am well aware of the sobering reality. Last July, I attended a vigil for the teenage brother of a student of mine. It was the first time I'd been to one, and he was the first teenager I'd had any of kind connection to who had died. It made everything feel so hollow: what good was teaching math or ACT prep or life skills when our kids could die in their own streets at any time? But maybe there's some redemption still to be wrung out of Memphis, city of the inescapable Growl Towel. GRIT. GRIND. WE DON'T BLUFF. Our schools, our officials, our children just need to follow our team's lead. We all need to Believe. It's an exciting time to be in Memphis, to teach in Memphis. My corps was told at Induction: this is the time, Memphis is the place. It's still the time, it's still the place. See you in 24 hours, Memphis.

The Sucker Punch...

A.Q. — Tue, 23 Apr 2013 02:17:40 +0100

After I was no longer their teacher, I became friends with many of my students on facebook. Sometimes I'm dismayed by the things they post (and hope they have privacy settings or something), though I'm pretty quiet unless there's a status or a photo that I particularly like. I wish them happy birthday, send them information about summer enrichment programs or college occasionally, and go on with my own online life. Today, I discovered via facebook that one of my best - and favorite (let's be real, any teacher who says she doesn't have favorites is lying) - students from last year is pregnant. My immediate reaction was something along the lines of "Are you effing kidding me?" She's not the first student I've had who's had a baby, but she's probably the most unexpected one. I had these assumptions, patently unfair, though honest, ones, about what kind of unwed teenage girl gets pregnant. Smart girls don't. Quiet girls don't. Girls whose parents are involved in their lives (who have driven to meet me for tutoring on a weekend!) don't. But she's all those things, so I was floored. Stunned. Shocked. I was reminded by a good friend that we knew teenage moms when we were in high school, too. But while a baby doesn't automatically mean the end of the world for a high-schooler, empirical evidence suggests that it's lot harder to have one as a teenager in Memphis than in a Pennsylvania suburb. I reminded myself later of a girl I taught my first year, S., who was just as smart, whose mother was just as dedicated, (who was definitely loud, though, and whose mouth got her in trouble with teachers) and who had a baby that spring. S.'s daughter marked the 4th generation of women in their house. (Where are the men? I wondered.) S. returned to school the next year, continued to get good grades as far as I know, but also continued to have discipline issues. B.'s never had those, to my knowledge, and she has the same things going in her favor as S. does, what with a good head on her shoulders and a dedicated family. So I guess I'm not really worried for her... except that I am. And do I reach out now, even though I am no longer in B.'s life beyond facebook? What would I write? "I'm happy for you"? Babies are blessings, true, but I don't want to be disingenuous: I'm not happy. I know my feelings are of no consequence. I know I'm judgmental. I know I'm not a psychic. What I don't know are the right words to say to a girl I care about whose life is changing faster than I can comprehend.

The Second Visit...

A.Q. — Tue, 12 Mar 2013 06:20:56 +0100

After over half a year in Philadelphia, I returned to Memphis over my spring break last week, and it was such a thrill. It was the first time - since moving away - that I could call myself a visitor to Memphis. I was only in the city for one full day, and much of it was taken up by professional matters, but I was lucky enough to see many old friends in my short time there. It was so weird to be back! I think it must be like that for any place you leave and return to, as I have experienced it with Orlando many a time, and I am sure I will feel that way about Penn State when I finally make it back. It's like nothing has changed, and you feel a sense of being welcomed home, and yet, you know you are not the same, and you no longer belong. Driving (okay, being driven) down the same roads I had been so used to taking felt so familiar, and yet, I didn't even notice when my cab driver missed a turn to the airport. How many times had I taken that same exact route? (In my defense, I guess, I will say that it was 5:45 a.m. and I had been up past 2 a.m. gabbing with my old roommates.) Memphis feels so warm to me now, just newly removed, and with so many dear friends still there. Will it continue to be this way, especially as some people inevitably move? Who can say? All I know is that in my 33 hours there, my heart felt fuller than it had ever been here in Philadelphia, save for when my family was visiting. I never realized how much I missed real hugs and real talk. It's unfair to expect the same kind of relationships to have developed so "soon" here, I suppose, but I know that what I have with my Memphis friends (Memphriends?) - really, a Memphis family (Memphamily!) - is something precious and special. Fittingly, today, a friend posted a link to this photo, which I have now made my desktop background, the first non-default one I have had in over a year. Though I did not get to see my own kids, I did get to visit a middle school, and I actually teared up in a classroom, looking out into a sea of little heads bent over desks, working on a test. In those uniformed boys, so dapper in ties and sweater vests, I saw miniature versions of my high-schoolers (for whom it was sometimes a challenge just to tuck in a white polo shirt...), and I could not have hoped harder for their education to put them on fulfilling, stereotype-defying paths. There is so much potential in the children of Memphis, the adults, the city itself. I wish even more people, both inside and outside Memphis, would recognize that. I'll be sure to catch my students on the next visit or two, which I am planning for May. Out of the blue, though, also during spring break, I got a call from some of them who were in Texas at a robotics competition, and in a week filled with countless highs, getting to talking to them was definitely near the top of the list. One student told me she'd been accepted to a summer program at Andover. I near-flipped out over the phone. Another reminded me of my promise to be there for her graduation in 2014. I assured her I would do my very best both this year and next. It's things like that, and things like my trip "home," that remind me how much I treasure my time, my life, in Memphis and everyone I had the opportunity to teach and work with and learn from and get to know. I still feel so blessed to have been placed in a city I came to love quickly with people I also came to love quickly. For all the new - and current - corps members out there, my greatest wish for you all, on the personal, not professional, spectrum (but those can sometimes be close in relation), is that you find yourself at home in your region. On the hardest days, in the corps, after the corps, it makes all the difference to know there is a home for you somewhere with a family you chose. (Don't get me wrong, I love the family I was born into, and I guess I feel connected to my "hometown," which really is just where I went to high school and where my family happens to live, but there is some indescribable beauty in being loved by people you aren't related to in a city that embraced you when you were an outsider.) Teaching in Memphis was one of the true joys of my life, and I think and hope I will always consider it so.